Thursday, 12 October 2017

Lesson 5 & Lesson 6

Hi everyone and anyone who stumbles across this post.

I haven't posted anything for ages and normally when that happens to one of my lovely fellow-bloggers it usually means two things:

1.  they are extremely happy and confident and WAY too busy (so fantastic)
2.  they have succumbed to the bottle and will be back because they are so brave to have got here in the first place.

I am not either of the two - I have been horribly depressed and struggling with the reality of my life now I don't have any way of hiding.  11 months sober and counting.

Then something happened.  I decided to join the Volunteer Fire Service.  I have tried so many things lately and this was the last ditch effort to make some fucking changes in my life.  I have been training for 3 weeks and was accepted by the Station Officer to take the medical and start formal training (long way to go still).

The day I arrived I was met by the recruiter and I thought he was pretty handsome.  Anyway about two weeks later he called me and asked me out.  I was completely stunned. That never happens to me ever hence I have been on  my own for the past 4-5 years since breaking up with my husband.

Sharing this is important because I have another reached another lesson. 
I think this is Lesson 5

Why we don't embark on a new relationship within the first year of our sobriety.

When I stopped drinking in November last year I found it so bloody hard, boredom, what the hell to do with myself, etc.  Then that passed after about 3-4 months then wanted to drink to not have to deal with ME.  Then that passed.  Then I had a few months of reprieve and then I got depressed at around 9 months and sort of wanted to drink but not really.

THEN I met this guy and he asked me to the movies.  The night I was getting ready, I REALLY REALLY REALLY BADLY DESPERATELY wanted a drink.  A shot of whisky, a glass of wine any damn thing - just couldn't calm down.  Tried to meditate, tried to breathe, tried to walk, tried some exercise .  Very anxious and nothing was working - so I dealt with it and went on the date, which was good and he is nice.

the next day - more anxiety as he wanted to meet again and etc.
At my age and his, we have a bit of baggage - ex's, kids, work stuff many many things.  Navigating through the first part without rushing into bed (which will totally not be a good idea for me) and being smart about it is much better without alcohol.

firstly he doesn't really drink and because I don't - he won't either.  I would NEVER have gone out with a non-drinking guy ever.

secondly I am not making drunk impaired decisions, I am weighing stuff up much more logically and sensibly.

thirdly, I am protecting myself better.

Sadly - lastly, I am dealing with the most excruciating anxiety and this is proving tough.

If I tried to date any earlier that this (almost a year) I am very sure I would be back drinking.

Lesson 6

For me, it is anxiety that caused my drinking.  It is very very clear now.

Love to everyone
Michelle

PS every google search on "how to stop the nerves getting ready for a first or second date" suggest alcohol.  How fucking crazy is that?

It is impossible to date a loser sober - they would annoy you so badly.  Why didn't I do this years ago.


8 comments:

  1. Love this. Ill be in your shoes all too soon with the divorce coming up quickly. Hope the guys is a winner!

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  2. So glad you are doing a bit better. Anxiety really sucks and I also think that was a massive reason why i drank. The new man sounds promising being a non/light drinker = awesome!!! Just be your lovely self...nerves are there for self protection. The worst he can think is ...wow she's nervous. That's not so bad. xxxx

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  3. Hi! I'm so impressed you volunteered for the fire service. That is cool. It is exciting to be dating but I get the anxiety. I have no idea how I would have coped sober and dating. Every guy I've known, I've got to know whilst drinking! Scary! Xxx

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  4. Hi Michelle!
    I am so glad you joined the fire service! That is just really cool!
    I think dating is super hard, not that I know, but I imagine it is nerve-racking.
    I am glad you are sober to evaluate your decisions better.
    Anxiety is hard. Just stay the course, you are doing so well!
    xoxo
    Wendy

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  5. So great to hear from you! And double fantastic doing something outside your comfort zone and meeting a nice guy in the process. I'm glad to hear you haven't drank, but heartfelt to know your depression and anxiety have come on strong. Acknowledging your feelings is the first step to dealing with them, so be proud of yourself. Good luck with everything that is going on in your life right now! xoxo ll

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  6. Very funny! And so exciting. And yay you for working through the anxiety. I have to face that sober anxiety as well, and what I've been given through this is forgiveness and understanding for why I drink in the first place. No wonder alcohol was so appealing to me. It quelled my anxiety about being around new people and situations. On the very very bright side, the anxiety has diminished greatly at a year and half sober.
    So glad that the opportunity for fun and adventure has headed your way. 💕

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  7. This totally made my day! Fire service! Romance! Life turning around! It has a bit of everything ❤️ You SO deserve this xxx

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  8. Wow.. fire service? That is amazing. Dale Carnegie said way back when the best way to get out of your own anxiety is to volunteer to do something for someone else. Thanks for reminding me of that.

    Man.. you are so spot on about the relationship thing. I was sober when I started seeing my partner years ago, but newly sober (again).. and I got so high strung and anxious that after our second date, I walked immediately to the liquor store and drank myself into oblivion.

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