Hi everyone and anyone who stumbles across this post.
I haven't posted anything for ages and normally when that happens to one of my lovely fellow-bloggers it usually means two things:
1. they are extremely happy and confident and WAY too busy (so fantastic)
2. they have succumbed to the bottle and will be back because they are so brave to have got here in the first place.
I am not either of the two - I have been horribly depressed and struggling with the reality of my life now I don't have any way of hiding. 11 months sober and counting.
Then something happened. I decided to join the Volunteer Fire Service. I have tried so many things lately and this was the last ditch effort to make some fucking changes in my life. I have been training for 3 weeks and was accepted by the Station Officer to take the medical and start formal training (long way to go still).
The day I arrived I was met by the recruiter and I thought he was pretty handsome. Anyway about two weeks later he called me and asked me out. I was completely stunned. That never happens to me ever hence I have been on my own for the past 4-5 years since breaking up with my husband.
Sharing this is important because I have another reached another lesson.
I think this is Lesson 5
Why we don't embark on a new relationship within the first year of our sobriety.
When I stopped drinking in November last year I found it so bloody hard, boredom, what the hell to do with myself, etc. Then that passed after about 3-4 months then wanted to drink to not have to deal with ME. Then that passed. Then I had a few months of reprieve and then I got depressed at around 9 months and sort of wanted to drink but not really.
THEN I met this guy and he asked me to the movies. The night I was getting ready, I REALLY REALLY REALLY BADLY DESPERATELY wanted a drink. A shot of whisky, a glass of wine any damn thing - just couldn't calm down. Tried to meditate, tried to breathe, tried to walk, tried some exercise . Very anxious and nothing was working - so I dealt with it and went on the date, which was good and he is nice.
the next day - more anxiety as he wanted to meet again and etc.
At my age and his, we have a bit of baggage - ex's, kids, work stuff many many things. Navigating through the first part without rushing into bed (which will totally not be a good idea for me) and being smart about it is much better without alcohol.
firstly he doesn't really drink and because I don't - he won't either. I would NEVER have gone out with a non-drinking guy ever.
secondly I am not making drunk impaired decisions, I am weighing stuff up much more logically and sensibly.
thirdly, I am protecting myself better.
Sadly - lastly, I am dealing with the most excruciating anxiety and this is proving tough.
If I tried to date any earlier that this (almost a year) I am very sure I would be back drinking.
For me, it is anxiety that caused my drinking. It is very very clear now.
Love to everyone
PS every google search on "how to stop the nerves getting ready for a first or second date" suggest alcohol. How fucking crazy is that?
It is impossible to date a loser sober - they would annoy you so badly. Why didn't I do this years ago.