Wednesday, 28 June 2017

We can't feel good all the time.

But I want to!  Why not!  It's not FAIR.


What a baby.  That's what I have been like since a teenager, always wanting to feel good and wondering what is wrong with me when I don't have a good day everyday.

I don't know how I made it to almost 50 without anyone telling me (more like me not listening) that people don't have good days everyday.

Maybe they do, but it certainly isn't what the average person experiences with kids to worry about, bills to pay, work commitments.  That is where drinking came in to help.  Now it is gone so my ears have opened.  I am listening & there is so much noise.

Un Tipsy (Wendy) said it in a few of her posts, about good and bad periods and it helped me to understand to let it ride - it will pass.  It is what it is and we have to just breath through it really.  I really hang onto this when times feel rough like the last couple of days.

The simple truth is, there are too many factors that influence how good my week can be - no matter how I try to protect myself.
  • A teacher at one of my children's school may need to talk with me, it might not go well
  • My sweet darlings might miss the bus and I have to drive through rush hour to school and back then am late for work - then my boss may be cross
  • a parent at one of my children's sports events might say something rude
  • I may genuinely forget to pay something and get a lecture or a rude phone message
  • I have to cook EVERY night and do the washing EVERY day - I may not feel like it
  • The car needs gas - I may not feel like getting it
  • The dog needs a walk - I'm too tired or it's too cold
  • There has to be FOOD IN THE HOUSE!!! grr  shit - it costs money, I have to trudge around with a trolley and buy it, then carry it into the car then into the house - we just eat it, I could have bought a dress (I know)
  • the kids might not be as helpful with the jobs then I get cross 
There are a bloody million reasons why I just can't shield yourself from "stuff" at the moment.

Then if I was retired with no kids at home - who am I kidding, there will always be outside influences that come into the "home" or your "safe place" which are going to affect your sense of well-being.
Even if you had the choice to lock yourself in a vault, that would have much more devastating consequences like the lack of good influences ...

Today I decided after working the morning, I would pop into some 2nd hand shops and look for some fun things to buy - I met an old work mate who told me about what is happening at my old job, how all his relatives are, this and that.  Afterwards I felt like my space was ruined.  That my relaxed fun stroll around was finished.  I have never noticed that before, I never noticed how outside things affect me and how I deal with it.... it was SO weird.

Then I decided to grow up and go home and make the best of the two items I purchased for my kids (disclaimer: my kids love things like this):



This was a medium/large silver box (about the size of your fist) which was black with dirt & was $4 (about 1 pound 50p or US$2.50).

I cleaned it for ages then lined it with olive green velvet and it will be perfect for my daughters little bits she loves.








This was .50c and is a tiny box with a dog-lion on the front (you can't really see it in the photo) and he's nuts about dogs.

I lined it with red velvet as my son has a couple of treasures which will fit perfectly in there. (fossilized dinosaur pooh etc)





Until I learn how to deal with my shit, I have decided to make something productive out of each time I feel stressed / anxious about outside influences.  Right off to clean the bloody shed!

Michelle xx

9 comments:

  1. Lovely boxes.
    It's amazing when we realize we get to choose how we respond to simple situations.

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    1. I read this over and over Anne - "we get to choose how we respond to simple situations"

      thanks so much xx

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  2. How creative you are! Your children are going to love those pieces. And I agree, we can't feel good all the time, but we can control how we deal with the feelings. Drinking was my go to, not now.

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    1. It is so weird how life spirals out of control sometimes when we STOP drinking because the brain has to re-balance or something.
      Mxxx
      Go Lia

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  3. I love that you found little treasures for your children!
    What you so clearly write about here is life.
    Real life comes with real problems.
    Today, I felt stressed about something, and I was able to walk for 2 miles to help get me out of my head.
    It really helped.
    You are doing beautifully, Michelle!
    Big Hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Wendy - 2 miles - That's about 4 and half Kms! good work - sometimes I go walking until I can smile (it can take a while!)

      Thank you again for your positive comments and love Wendy - 1,000 times back to you xx
      Michelle

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  4. How wonderful are those boxes???? They are beautiful. I find that none of us were taught coping mechanisms for boredom, feeling sad, angst, etc. Growing up was fun and happy and no one likes a grumpy person. But I am grumpy sometimes and thats when the dog gets a walk or I hit the mat. You are fabulous and talented xx

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    1. Thanks - the kids loved them.
      That is an excellent point, we are not "allowed" to dwell on any behaviour or thoughts that are not positive. It is kind of creepy when you think about it like that.

      Lovely thing to say and thanks - you are a kind, lovely, brave & beautiful person Mrs S. Your family are v lucky :)

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  5. Beautiful boxes!This is very big learing curve for me too. Learning how to sit with discomfort. Massive! I'm so quick to look for something to make feel better, food, tv etc

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