What a baby. That's what I have been like since a teenager, always wanting to feel good and wondering what is wrong with me when I don't have a good day everyday.
I don't know how I made it to almost 50 without anyone telling me (more like me not listening) that people don't have good days everyday.
Maybe they do, but it certainly isn't what the average person experiences with kids to worry about, bills to pay, work commitments. That is where drinking came in to help. Now it is gone so my ears have opened. I am listening & there is so much noise.
Un Tipsy (Wendy) said it in a few of her posts, about good and bad periods and it helped me to understand to let it ride - it will pass. It is what it is and we have to just breath through it really. I really hang onto this when times feel rough like the last couple of days.
The simple truth is, there are too many factors that influence how good my week can be - no matter how I try to protect myself.
- A teacher at one of my children's school may need to talk with me, it might not go well
- My sweet darlings might miss the bus and I have to drive through rush hour to school and back then am late for work - then my boss may be cross
- a parent at one of my children's sports events might say something rude
- I may genuinely forget to pay something and get a lecture or a rude phone message
- I have to cook EVERY night and do the washing EVERY day - I may not feel like it
- The car needs gas - I may not feel like getting it
- The dog needs a walk - I'm too tired or it's too cold
- There has to be FOOD IN THE HOUSE!!! grr shit - it costs money, I have to trudge around with a trolley and buy it, then carry it into the car then into the house - we just eat it, I could have bought a dress (I know)
- the kids might not be as helpful with the jobs then I get cross
Then if I was retired with no kids at home - who am I kidding, there will always be outside influences that come into the "home" or your "safe place" which are going to affect your sense of well-being.
Even if you had the choice to lock yourself in a vault, that would have much more devastating consequences like the lack of good influences ...
Today I decided after working the morning, I would pop into some 2nd hand shops and look for some fun things to buy - I met an old work mate who told me about what is happening at my old job, how all his relatives are, this and that. Afterwards I felt like my space was ruined. That my relaxed fun stroll around was finished. I have never noticed that before, I never noticed how outside things affect me and how I deal with it.... it was SO weird.
Then I decided to grow up and go home and make the best of the two items I purchased for my kids (disclaimer: my kids love things like this):
This was a medium/large silver box (about the size of your fist) which was black with dirt & was $4 (about 1 pound 50p or US$2.50).
I cleaned it for ages then lined it with olive green velvet and it will be perfect for my daughters little bits she loves.
This was .50c and is a tiny box with a dog-lion on the front (you can't really see it in the photo) and he's nuts about dogs.
I lined it with red velvet as my son has a couple of treasures which will fit perfectly in there. (fossilized dinosaur pooh etc)
Until I learn how to deal with my shit, I have decided to make something productive out of each time I feel stressed / anxious about outside influences. Right off to clean the bloody shed!