Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Mrs D is Going Within

Congratulations and thank you to Mrs D Going Without - Lotta Dann.

A courageous woman who was the start of my decision to finally take the first step.


Thank you Lotta and wonderful news that your second book is finally published and ready for us all to read.  (links on good places to purchase the book on the above link)

Michelle xxx

Sunday, 14 May 2017


I have lost the connection to PDTG - are you there?
It could be my settings so just checking if anyone else can make contact :)

Saturday, 13 May 2017

I HONESTLY thought I was high-functioning and doing well

Looking back over the past two years is eye-opening now.  I, hand on heart, thought I was doing well - drinking too much but still being a good mum, working, studying and getting my house finished.

When I look back over the past 6 months sober it is as plain as the nose on my face how little I achieved.  The sneaky curtain of alcohol is so very dangerous, everyone is doing it so how on earth did my life stop going forward and start to rotate in a rat-wheel like existence?

Since I have stopped drinking:

1.  My relationship with my elder daughter (23) is repaired and her trust is coming back
2.  My son (11) is getting A's and B's at intermediate ( he was barely a D prior to December)
3.  My daughter (12) well she is like a steam ship and it's harder to gauge the affect my drinking had on her, but she keeps saying "mum you are doing so good not drinking" so it must have been bad.
4.  I finished my kitchen
5.  I have started to do the rest of the house
6.  I changed jobs choosing a boss and work colleagues that suit ME also and not just the other way around.
7.  I understand my terrible reaction to stress and protect myself better 

Many other things also, but when you look at these things (and it comes up on a daily basis) you can't help but in-your-face realise the massive difference.

I could have kept going, I didn't have cirrhosis, I wasn't homeless, I wasn't drinking in the morning, I didn't get arrested, lose my licence or have friends telling me to stop.  I thought my life was good except the drinking (night sweats, guilt, hangovers)  I thought the anger was just part of being a hands-on mum.

Today in a posh food shop I like to go to a young guy was doing wine tasting, he asked if I would like to try some.  I said (not even smugly) no thanks I don't drink, I used to drink too much.  He gave me a look - a real look, like I'm missing out and said "there is no such thing as too much".  I said "there is when you are an alcoholic".   He was so ashamed - I felt bad.  But there it is right?  People can say hey the drinking club is the best in the world - pedaling ethanol is legal.  Imagine if it was cocaine?

I have found drinking to be the root of all my bad prescription meds behaviour.  I don't have the trouble I had before because my mind is back and it doesn't allow me to make dumb decisions on top of already dumb decisions.

I watch forensic or crime stories sometimes and always when there is drugs involved there seems to be alcohol at the beginning of the night.  Lately some key sports figures have been caught buying drugs overseas - they were so drunk they barely remember doing it.

Alcohol is a crazy scary beast.

M xxxx

Friday, 5 May 2017

6 Months Tomorrow

My neighbour just gave me this :)

Very touched to have caring people around me, she said I can have a box of chocolates when I get to a year.  It's funny how people understand a lot more than perhaps we imagine ...

Michelle x