Friday, 3 March 2017

Starting to grow up - Selfishness and the Truth

I have had some interesting thoughts over the past few weeks - looking back at my behaviour over the past 10 years or so.

I never thought I was a selfish person, always wanting to help others and thought I was kind.  I look back and realise my "need" to help others stemmed from a deep insecurity of the trying-to-please rescuing behaviour type.

This looking back is not intentional it just comes in waves and I am careful not to be hard on myself about it and to look at it rationally (as much as possible).  It is hurtful to realise that I really did whatever I wanted and people close to me and their lives, revolved around what I wanted.  As long as it all suited me then I was OK with it.  Of course the older I got, the more defined I was with what I wanted - that combined with alcohol made one hell of a selfish bomb.  And I did damage, and I blamed everyone else and I was the last to realsie it was me.

Now I am feeling around and noticing a big change starting to form - my life is revolving around the needs of my family.  Yes I will keep checking how I am going, however I think the selfish brat that was me can do with some REAL unselfish living for a while.

Michelle
xxx

6 comments:

  1. This is great, sounds like you are figuring things out for yourself, and facing up to stuff that can be difficult. X

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    1. Thanks PDTG x
      Yes difficult, necessary and good all in the same breath (or days!) x
      Michelle :)

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  2. Hi Michelle,
    The tricky thing is to honest but kind to yourself at the same time.
    I realized how selfish I had been and I still work on that.
    But don't be too hard on yourself.
    We need a lot of loving kindness.
    xoxo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy x
      I agree that we need to ensure we dish maybe 85% kindness and 15% awareness to our behaviour is a good mix maybe! Accountant in me :)
      M xxx

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  3. Good for you! It is amazing how much being in an alcohol blur keeps us from true self awareness and accountability for our behavior. For me, a lot revolved around my next drink. I was always thinking about it and planning for my own selfish needs at the expense of other people including my family. I was so in denial about everything, also blaming everyone else for all of my problems, not willing to look at myself and how I was creating a lot of the problems. Since I haven't been drinking, I am so much more clear headed and realizing all of these things about myself.

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